I have all this love in my heart and no one to give it to.

I've always been a hopeless romantic; I adore the notion of falling in love and spending the rest of my life with one person. Sometimes I want it so much I can't breathe. I know I'm deserving of love and I know I'd make someone so, so, so happy. All I want is the chance.

God, please don't let me end up alone.

I love you. You might not know how much I do but I really do.......

This is a letter for my cat. He got out last night and it has been 24 hours since we've seen him. my family has spent the entire day strenuously trying to look for him and my brother and mom and I have covered so much ground and repeatedly checked areas so many times. I finally broke down and my mom stood hugging me as we both sobbed in front of our house, in the dark, calling his name hopelessly before we went to bed. I know he’s close by but I just dont know where. And the longer he's outside the more dangerous it is and I know he's hungry and scared and confused and terrified and sad and lonely and I just want him to be OK but I can't; I just want to save him and make him better but he’s out of my reach. A few times we have brought him outside and even if he’s at the bottom of the street he knows how to run up to our front steps, and a few times before we lost him for a short amount of time outside and he showed up soon at the house again. I’m just worried that he has been spooked or chased out of his “territory” and he doesnt know where he is, or he’s taking shelter in an unknown place because he’s scared and confused.

I am not in a good emotional state right now. I just want my little boy back.

That’s all. Send him good thoughts tonight.

isn't it funny?

we could be right next to each other at this moment, criticizing whatever new stupid horror movie is on Netflix. We could be talking about our futures, building each other up to the point where we're too in love to say anything else. You and I could be helping each other with the struggles we've been facing lately, complaining about those that can't seem to stop their rambling about pointless shit.

And, yet, here we are. We sit in our respective houses and do nothing but watch each other's lives through a small screen. We wish for nothing but the other to reach out (at least, that's what I hope for). We get eaten alive by our own emotions because we can't go to each other to let it all out. We live mediocre lives because we're too damn proud to let ourselves go.

So, here we are. I'm too afraid to ask you to love me, you don't think you're worthy of my love. My pathetic phone screen taunts me with your face and our memories as I pretend every little thing is alright. It's not alright.

I hope she will always be surrounded by people who treat her right and love her no matter what.

tacocat

Me, age 16: I can't wait until I'm an adult and I don't act like such an awkward weirdo in front of my crush. I'll totally figure it out by then.

Me today, age 26: OH MY GOD HERE HE COMES PRETEND TO BE NORMAL AND REMEMBER HOW TO USE WORDS

Today marks one year since we last had our first walk. I still remember each and every detail of that day. From the weather... to the clothes we both wore. It probably meant nothing to you... but God it meant a lot to me.

I remember after class you and me walked together for a good hour and laughed and just conversed. You told me you felt bad because you didn’t feel well. We both did bad in the Biology exam... so we both kinda sulked.

So I proposed that we should walk and just chill to ease off the negativity you and me felt.

I still remember the touch of your hand.... the sound of your laughter... the fact you pointed out how we both had black shirts on and tan pants on. The imitation of me you pulled off with my backpack as we were walking saying... 

“ Uhhh loook at me... I’m Chem Prince ... I kiss ass to the Chem professor 😟..” 😂😂 😝

God that shit made me laugh!

The tight hug you gave me before you left and said... “thank you for making me feel better.” 

God I had the perfect opportunity to kiss your forehead that moment but I couldn’t as I knew you had someone waiting for you back home.

It was on this date I knew my feelings weren’t just shallow feelings.... that they developed into something stronger that I never felt before....

And here I am.... one year later... with that feeling still smiling from the memories we had today.

I’m still on Melancholy Hill... but I’ll find someone to slow dance with one day perhaps on this hill...

The Chem Prince


Dear Kim,

You unexpectedly died 4 years ago on this date.

Time has stopped for me here in the Land of the Living.

I miss you so damned much…….

…….Wait for me?

Love Always and Forever, Theo

I’ve scrolled through every app, accomplished a ton of work today, have cute people sincerely after my heart, exercised, cooked, ate, hydrated, slept well, hung out and talked with friends, and showered today. I love living and myself and my family and career. I’ve been doing everything I’m supposed to. Everyhing. And it’s all the same. It’s all still meaningless without you.

Hugs are so nice.

Someone has missed you or is going to miss you. They love you. They wish to comfort you. They’re happy for you. They’re glad to see you. Maybe it’s a mixture of these, but whatever the case may be, you mean something to them.

Something significant enough that it makes them want to lock their arms around you and press their body onto yours, just to have you close. To get that little bit of a connection with you, whether it’s to make up for lost time or tide them over until next time, or whether their words have failed them but they just need to do something to show how they’re feeling.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately and I just think it’s the sweetest thing.