Yesterday while sitting at a red light, I started frantically combing my hair with my fingers so I wouldn't look like a hot mess when I got to my destination. As I turned my head to the side to get the back of my hair, I glanced up and saw a cute guy in a pickup truck staring at me like he was mesmerized. We made eye contact and both smiled. It is the epitome of cliche but God I needed that. Something so little can make me feel so good. I have been feeling invisible. I don't thrive on attention, in fact, I usually don't like it. But due to some personal things going on in my life, my self esteem has taken a hit and I just don't feel like myself. I'm criticizing my skin, hair, weight, all of it. I feel like I've been forgotten and I guess the natural reaction is to reflect and find things wrong with me to explain this void. So to capture someone's attention for even a moment and make them smile made me feel like I was on cloud nine.
Everyone needs attention. You can love yourself but still feel that deep rooted pain associated with loneliness. People will tell you to love yourself, don't worry about other people and they will try to make you feel bad about wanting that very basic need of human connection. Screw them. There is nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with you. We deserve to be noticed. We deserve to be desired. An attention whore is someone who goes out of their way to get attention and it's never enough. Do not confuse that with the craving for attention and connections when you're practically starved of it. You aren't an attention whore. You're human, just like everyone else.