I wrote him a letter a couple years ago. I put my feelings in it, as much of the whys as I could understand, the since-when and a handful of asides that got at why I felt it would work. I said no hard feelings if it was too weird or too much, but that if it wasn't, that we should talk about it. I signed my name after a deep breath. I mailed it, fingers trembling. It was in a plain envelope with a regular postage stamp on it. I didn't put a return address on it.

I don't know if I have it in me to write another letter like it. I don't know if I have it in me to feel that way about anyone ever again.