i don't know if she's real. the girl i'm dreaming of. the girl that i want to love. sometimes i just feel hopeless and broken because everyone i meet doesn't seem to fit into me, like i'm this really weird, jagged, infinitely-out-of-place puzzle piece. and sure, everyone is unique. it's difficult to find anyone to love.
but sometimes i feel like i won't find a spark with any girl. that i'm too messed up somehow from the repression after my panic attacks in high school.
i'm scared i'm not capable of loving a girl, even though i dream to one day. it hurts.