I think I realized what love is when I shoveled out my car on a windy cold day just so that I could see my friend's show. Then my friends all cancelled on me and I got sick, but I still went. Love isn't always big romantic gestures. It's just putting someone else first.
You cauterized my broken bleeding heart with the glowing embers in your eyes. The fire you hide inside needs to breathe once in awhile. Let it out. Singe the skin of my lips, it's okay I can bear the pain. I will wear the flames until it thaws the ice in my veins and fights away the frost on my face. We can find balance in a world that fluctuates. I love you little songbird.
i woke up with my heart rusty and scattered in the roof of my mouth, dreaming that you sent me exactly eleven texts stuttering over missing me--
but that's not how life works, really. i'm the type of person who blends so seamlessly into your life you forget i was ever there in the first place, and you probably don't miss me at all.
still, i wish you did.
In one universe, amongst: one hundred billion galaxies, twice as many stars, eight planets, seven continents, fifty countries and several million people; I had the privilege of meeting you. I miss you.
today I waded out into the ocean and the water was calm and the breeze was soft and it felt wrong somehow, as if the whole world was unaware of my heart breaking
Yesterday was our second date. We went ice skating, and he's really bad at ice skating. The last time I ice skated was 10 years ago, but I used to do it competitively. It wasn't long before I could feel it coming back to me, and I was gliding backwards and doing simple tricks. It made me so giddy to be on the ice again.
But him on the other hand... he needed some help. He fell more times than I thought was healthy, and is probably all bruised today, but he kept going. I was trying to teach him to glide and not walk, and eventually got to the point where I had him be stay still and I skated backwards. With both of our hand firmly grasped, I pulled him along, focusing on our feet.
I realized a little later that with nothing else to do but keep his balance and hold onto me, he was using the opportunity to stare at me. And he was smiling.
I really wanted it to be you.
I guess everyone says that, but it's true. I didn't think you were The One, but I still wanted it to be you. At least for this season. I wanted to get you presents and to kiss you under the mistletoe and to wake up to you on Christmas morning, your face washed pale as glass in the frosted winter light, your hair like an ink spill all around us. I wanted to hold your hand during silly Christmas gatherings, during walks in the snow, or even when it was just the two of us, standing in an empty hallway, nothing but the sound of our breathing and something unspoken hanging in the air. I wanted to surprise you while you were at work, bring you something every day even after Christmas, just to see you smile. I wanted to kiss you as the year breathed its last, confetti spangled in your hair, as another year slipped in to take its place.
Damn it all.
I really wanted you, but I suppose you were never mine to want.
E = hv
My boyfriend and I jokingly discussed the possibility of faking a marriage proposal in order to get free dessert over a nice dinner out a few weeks ago. He was like, "Well, if I go down on one knee and pretend, maybe they'll be impressed and think we're cute and give us free dessert."
It was funny, but of course we didn't do that. But it gave him an idea, and he told me that he plans on giving me a few fake proposals before he asks the question for real, mostly just to mess with me because he's a dork like that.
Today I got my first one, tucked into my Christmas present. It was a little slip of paper with an encrypted message (we're geeks) that, when deciphered, read "Will you marry me? One fake proposal down, nine to go."
I said yes...not that it counts. ;)
I love you, merry christmas
Late nights in the car, your hand in mine, your head on my shoulder. Just talking until the weight of the world came pressing in. I love you, and I wish I could tell you.