Repeat after me

I am afraid to die.

I want to live.

I am loved.

I am worth it.

This all true.

I want to explore the world.

I want to eat new foods.

I want to be curious.

I want to learn.

I want to be happy and healthy.

Now go eat something take your meds if you have any drink water take a deep breath and smile. Smile because you are you and nobody else is. Go watch that movie you keep saying you've watched but haven't. Go do your homework. Go try a new hairstyle. Go do that thing you've been meaning to do for weeks.

You are amazing your alive and I'm proud of you just like many other people who are very fortunate to know you :)

Stay strong ❤

All night I've been consumed with thinking about what names we're going to give to our future cats.

I'm in love with you, aren't I.

I'll never be yours but i swear...

Being around you is the closest thing to magic that exists in this world.

My ex and I just laid in bed and cried together over how in love we are and how hard life is.

We've been broken up for five months.

It's hard not to be broken by this.

She's starting to say hi to me more now. I remember before she would only smile. Now it's both! Sometimes she even says hi first.

This is a big least for me it is

You played the piano and I sat beside you.

I listened because it was beautiful. I listened because I loved you. I wound my yarn, I cast on a washcloth, while I knitted I listened, and the world was perfect.

My brother passed us and smiled.

"I guess this is what you two will look like sixty years from now, isn't it?"

I smiled in return.

Sixty years. You would be eighty, I seventy seven. Life behind us, not before us. My knitting needles would have seen many more projects, your fingers many more songs.

And you would play the piano and I would sit beside you.

I would listen because it was beautiful. I would listen because I loved you.

I would wind my yarn

And cast on

And while I would knit I would listen.

And the world would be perfect.


Cheer up, you sweet, beautiful human being. You are going to love again and it will be magnificent!

I get it. I'm not stupid. And I'm definitely not blind. You aren't the conventional beauty. You know that. I know that. 


You are beautiful. And the scariest thing is, with each passing day, I find you even more beautiful. As if that was even possible. But it is. And that's positively enchanting. 

So. Let me list the ways. Let me just attempt to open, at least, your eyes, to how you look to me. How you make me not just feel, but burn

It's hard to even start, because there are so many parts of you that I love. 

You know brown eyes are the most common color in the world and I used to hate my own because they were just so utterly mundane. But then, but then, after looking into your eyes for so many years, it's not just brown. It's warmth. It's comfort. And, I swear, the galaxy above my head, pales in comparison to the unspoken, unbroken, universe that's smothered beneath your brown eyes. 

You don't smile quite often, but when you do, it starts off like the sun peeking out behind stormy clouds, and then when you full on laugh, oh my, it's like time stands still and I'm basking in the brilliance of a sun that's just too damn bright for this world. 

You have a habit of being kind. Utterly and preciously kind. To everyone, but yourself. 

You skip. And jump in puddles. You dance as if gravity didn't exist. And sing like you're a rock star. You learned to cook when you were little because you found it fascinating. You love books because they're more than an escape, they're a portal into different, wonderful worlds.

Hah. And I could go on, but honestly, a big part of me is afraid someone else is going to see just how absolutely wonderful you are and take you away from me. Even though you aren't even mine to begin with. 

More than wanting you to love me, I want you to love yourself. 

-to the boy who believes he's alone in this world

-from the girl who has always been by your side

You're such a happy person and it's so beautiful. It's not just the fact that you have the cutest smile and your eyes light up and become even bluer. The smallest things make you happy and it's so refreshing because I haven't seen this type of joy for a while.

It rubs off on me and after every practice when I'm with you, I can't stop smiling. I've never felt like this before, what is this new type of feeling.

Is it love?

I asked you to send me a playlist of your favorite songs.

This playlist has 53 songs.

I think you think I won't actually listen to them, but I am spending 3.5 hours listening to every single one of them and writing little comments on how I feel about each one.

Because your music is important to you. So, it's important to me, too.