last night I cried when I thought of how much I love you. I love you so much but I guess you don’t feel the same.
it just really sucks when you love someone who doesn’t love you back
how do I just move on
I want to so I can be back to my happy self
everyone wants to be happy but I just can’t get you out of my head
you are all of the things i've ever wanted and it just hit me like a train this week.
you make me laugh. and i make you laugh. and you actually like to listen to me laugh.
you care about the things i care about. but not just on the surface. like our deepest passions are the same.
you are going to be a really good dad. and a really good husband to whoever you end up with.
you're excited about your career and you light up with the light of endless possibility when you talk about the future.
you are kind and you see me. you're gentle and you're wise.
you are a firecracker.
but yet, if something ever happened between us, it would be hard.
because you care for people so deeply. i've never had someone truly care about me in the capacity i know you would.
i imaging your gentleness would scare me at first. and your emotions would freak me out. and your tenderness, admiration, and affection would embarrass me.
i would have to seriously fight the shame that i've struggled with for as long as i can remember.
then maybe, maybe you're also exactly what i need. despite my fear.
unfortunately, this is all in my head and this is just a phase. nothing will happen between us.
I only want you. I don't want: a prize, a trophy; a female, a girl, a woman; a friend, a girlfriend, a love interest, a romantic partner or a lifelong companion. I want you; whatever you are, be it all or none of the above, that is what I want. I only want you.
I really just wanna hold hands with a guy. Probably sounds dumb to some but I’ve never done it before. Just to have our fingers interlock and take a walk around the block. All I want to have someones hand to hold in mine and we lose track of time walking around, smiles on our faces, laughing and just being happy.
I want to thank you for making me feel again. For enabling me to like someone wholeheartedly, for assuring me that it is okay to smile and laugh, and for helping me realize that the greatest thing I can be with someone is my absolute self. I don’t know where we’re headed, or if we’re even headed anywhere, but I am utterly fortunate that our paths have crossed. The world is good, sometimes.
I’m funny. I’m fun. I’m cool AF when I’m around the right people. I need to stop putting myself down.
i can't believe it really happened. today, i told you how i felt.
i mean, i didn't exactly tell you. unless you count 'telling' as having my best friend send you that message for me because my hands were shaking too hard to type the words out myself. but, that aside, i did it and you said that you like me too and i'm over the moon. we're going on our first official date next weekend (although, i like to think that night we got ice cream and went to see love, simon together was really as meaningful as i hope it was to you). i know i'm rambling. i'm sorry. i just like you that much.
for the record, i've never confessed to anyone before. either you make me feel safer than any of my crushes ever have, or you're just that special. i think it's both.
here's to the start of something wonderful.
To my soulmate: my beautiful mother. It sounds silly but she is the reason I believe in miracles. A woman born in Massachusetts who moved to Virginia and met a German man. Together they went through struggles and made the decision to adopt a child from Columbia, South America...me (obviously). I was meant to meet my mother...she was my soulmate and without her i would not have been the person I am today. I miss her with all my heart !